Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
