Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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