Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
