just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
