What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
