Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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