Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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