On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Fuck appropriateness.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
