dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
