we have officially lost it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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