this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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