It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
