In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
