It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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