it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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