THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
