i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
