I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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