When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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