didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
