Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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