I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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