I'm jealous of your bromance
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
