Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
