booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
