I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
