I love black thongs
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
