i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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