Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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