It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
