I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
