I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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