dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
