Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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