I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
