A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
