you traded sex for a burrito?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
