Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
