Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
