Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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