Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
