guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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