ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
