He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
