am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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