dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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