When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Everyone says I win the strip club
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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