she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's always time for handjobs
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
