I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
