Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
