The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
