there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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