She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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