Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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