Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Will exercising make me less horny?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
