Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
