My hair reeks of homosexuality.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
