Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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