She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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