proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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