singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
