The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
