We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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