he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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