The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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