She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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