Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
