I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
