Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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