You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
