Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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