just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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