he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
