I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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