Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Randomize
