I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize