she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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