Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
