1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
