New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
