I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
