Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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