i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
