he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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