doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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