i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
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She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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