we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
