There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
