i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
