my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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