omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
